She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
