Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
