My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
