you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
