I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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