Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
