Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
