First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
