i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
