i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
