Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
