don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
