My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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