he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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