ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
