I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
