if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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