omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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