I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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