so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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