So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
