remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
