i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
