I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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