i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
