Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize