4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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