we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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