Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
