i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
