Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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