My first STD was from a foam party
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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