yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
