I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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