I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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