And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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