They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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