it wasn't lemon gatorade
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
