Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize