Apparently you make a good broom.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
