The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
