Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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