You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
