You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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