he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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