I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
