I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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