I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize