Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
