plz talk dirty to me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
