I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
