loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just pee around me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
