you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
