i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize