just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
