You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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