Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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