One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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