why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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