when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
