Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
