enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
