I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
