I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
