if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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