the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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