All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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