What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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