the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
