i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
