real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize