dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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