You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
