My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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