I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
