im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
