If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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