DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
