The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
