Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
