bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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