I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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