My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
